the same no more: a one-act tragedy

It's been a while since my last post. Reasons why: lack of inspiration, numbing monotony of day-to-day existence remained unbroken, frequent godzilla attacks. In the meantime, i purchased a used mountain bike from a Hawaiian guy who just got divorced from his Japanese wife and is leaving Japan. It's in great condition, and now i don't feel like a circus dwarf riding a bicycle, nor do i feel the urge to jump through hoops of fire. I singed all my dress pants doing so, and i need to hide my rear from the students during work hours or risk getting terminated. It is a challenge rising from my seat post-lesson.
I also committed the most heinous act that man can commit. I purchased a cell phone plan. Yes, i now possess mobile communcation and can make phone calls at all hours of the day from anywhere i want. All the freedom i never knew i wanted. But it sure as hell put the convinience meters up the charts. Mine has never been so high, well at least never as high as when i finally learned to walk.
So... bike riding, cell phone, eating dairy and eggs, not being a hipster... what have i become? I am not the same person anymore. Will i be forever altered and corrupted by the modern contrivances of computer-age man? First it's two-wheeled self-propelled locomotion contraptions, next it's flying saucers.
Well, i'm on my way to self-destruction, or at least corruption. Wish me luck.