i am obsessed with food
But why? I spent days dreaming of the peanut butter that my grandparents sent me in the mail, and i received it this evening, and after working out i rushed home and immediately threw the novelty-sized Japanese toast in the toaster. And when i went to the store right before going home to buy soap, i ended up also buying half an Asian pumpkin, some dried kintoki beans, and a bag of shiitake mushrooms. Don't get me wrong, i am fully enjoying my pumpkin ramen with mushrooms, but really now! What is the matter with me?
I know exactly what it is. I get frustrated with life here, and i have pent up anger about something, and food is my comfort. For example, today Michelle and i walked into an anime store and a bunch of teenagers sitting on the steps all said "Hello!" to us, onyl wanting our response, which i gave the instinctively, and then they all laughed and repeated me. I don't like being a circus clown. Maybe i should break out into a jig next time for their enjoyment. Or yell "Yeehaw!" and do some lasso tricks. God, just imagining what response i would get by addressing every Asian person in NYC i see with a loud and enthusiastic "Ni hao!"
But i know it's a different country with a different situation, and i doubt that these kids mean any harm, they are just surprised and excited to see a caucasian individual. But what disturbs me is that i can never disappear, or blend in, and i will always be very noticeable no matter what i do, or how much Japanese i learn. And in Japan, i will never be Japanese, even if i get citizenship, because many people here only see those of Japanese origin as entitled to be Japanese. But if i was Asian, at least i wouldn't be stared at in the street. I hate feeling like i have some role to play, and if i don't, it disturbs people. If i speak Japanese, any Japanese, people become so surprised and begin to insistently praise my skill, although only a few words come out of my mouth. It is ridiculous to assume a foreigner in your country will not know a word of the country's tongue. Yet many Japanese people sincerely believe that caucasians want nothing to do with Japanese culture, language, and people. I do not know where this comes from, but it is bothersome, because the Japanese are a secret people in many ways, but mostly secret to foreigners. There seems to always be a side they are hiding from you, and they usually appear uncomfortable speaking to you. Young people are an exception, but not always.
So ends my complaints for now. I could go on forever, and i think often about my constant complaining and whether or not i am justified. Probably not, considering everyone else seems to have gotten over most of the initial culture shock. Perhaps i am just too sensitive for this kind of initiative, dashing out of the country and expecting to settle nicely and comfortably in a foreign country. Is Japan different from others countries? I think so, but i haven't been to other Asian countries where the culture would be more similar than a Western country's. But the combination of a strange obsession with the U.S., a history of rapid modernization from a relatively unmodern system, and a society that frowns upon individualism and encourages humble and introverted behavior yields something quite unique, i believe. Perhaps i would feel more comfortable with it all if i could express myself, explain myself to others, but instead i feel like a mute, or rather like a smiling moron who communicates on the level of a toddler.
Man, i really cannot stop complaining. End transmission.
I know exactly what it is. I get frustrated with life here, and i have pent up anger about something, and food is my comfort. For example, today Michelle and i walked into an anime store and a bunch of teenagers sitting on the steps all said "Hello!" to us, onyl wanting our response, which i gave the instinctively, and then they all laughed and repeated me. I don't like being a circus clown. Maybe i should break out into a jig next time for their enjoyment. Or yell "Yeehaw!" and do some lasso tricks. God, just imagining what response i would get by addressing every Asian person in NYC i see with a loud and enthusiastic "Ni hao!"
But i know it's a different country with a different situation, and i doubt that these kids mean any harm, they are just surprised and excited to see a caucasian individual. But what disturbs me is that i can never disappear, or blend in, and i will always be very noticeable no matter what i do, or how much Japanese i learn. And in Japan, i will never be Japanese, even if i get citizenship, because many people here only see those of Japanese origin as entitled to be Japanese. But if i was Asian, at least i wouldn't be stared at in the street. I hate feeling like i have some role to play, and if i don't, it disturbs people. If i speak Japanese, any Japanese, people become so surprised and begin to insistently praise my skill, although only a few words come out of my mouth. It is ridiculous to assume a foreigner in your country will not know a word of the country's tongue. Yet many Japanese people sincerely believe that caucasians want nothing to do with Japanese culture, language, and people. I do not know where this comes from, but it is bothersome, because the Japanese are a secret people in many ways, but mostly secret to foreigners. There seems to always be a side they are hiding from you, and they usually appear uncomfortable speaking to you. Young people are an exception, but not always.
So ends my complaints for now. I could go on forever, and i think often about my constant complaining and whether or not i am justified. Probably not, considering everyone else seems to have gotten over most of the initial culture shock. Perhaps i am just too sensitive for this kind of initiative, dashing out of the country and expecting to settle nicely and comfortably in a foreign country. Is Japan different from others countries? I think so, but i haven't been to other Asian countries where the culture would be more similar than a Western country's. But the combination of a strange obsession with the U.S., a history of rapid modernization from a relatively unmodern system, and a society that frowns upon individualism and encourages humble and introverted behavior yields something quite unique, i believe. Perhaps i would feel more comfortable with it all if i could express myself, explain myself to others, but instead i feel like a mute, or rather like a smiling moron who communicates on the level of a toddler.
Man, i really cannot stop complaining. End transmission.
posted by mdove at 7:21 PM
1 Comments:
I would make an intelligent comment, but I, too, am a smiling moron who communicates at the level of a toddler.
---SMWCATLOAT
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